to someone special

i`m sorry.

you have no idea, how really sorry i am. i`ve been so stupid all these years. i`ve treated you so badly. the truth is, i didn`t know what i was doing..

i`ve let it go on for so long. i don`t even knoww what i was thinking all this time. and all i know is, because of me... you got hurt 3 times as badly. probably even more.

i guess its good that its all finally going to be let out into the open. we can start afresh, a new beginning, a new pathway to adventure. we have many good times ahead & i look forward to that.

i just hope that you can find it in your heart to.. not forgive. even i can`t forgive myself for letting you go through all that pain.

i just hope you can understand...

that i didn`t meant to hurt you

or hurt us

our our friendship

i`m sorry.

i just want you to know

i`ll treasure you til the end of time

i hope you can do the same..

i`ve never done anything like this before

but

i think its time i stopped being such a bitch

and told you the truth

about how everything spiralled out of control

and then finally,

we can both breathe again

after two long years, living in suffocation.

in 5 hours; everything could change.

hopefully for the better.

i`m sorry.

you know who you are too.

english ==;

epic fail.

oh well screw it.

trialssss

need to vent.

just got our maths trials back. i am so disappointed in myself. not because i got a bad mark.. but because i could have done so much better. it`s like. you reached the point where you have succeeded.. but it is all taken away from you regardless of your endless servility?

frkn hellllll. 94%. and i lost 4 marks JUST because i didn`t colour the right bubble. ==;; what was wrong with meeee T_T" i think it was because i didn`t have any sleep that day? i did all the maths right.. just didn`t colour.. the right.... bubble..........

they were all in the beginning too ><" and omg so pissed cz one of the questions i didn`t colour the bubble properly for was the simple interest one. omg i fully practiced consumer sooo mch it ws like the only topic i was 100% confident in.... i fully rmbr getting tht answer on my calculator and like laughing in my head cz i knew i wud gg it....... ==; greeeeeattttt. i gt so owned lol.

aiya~ i guess i shud be happy. only i will know my true potential.. i had problems but still got 94% i shud be proud. i shud be happy.

then why am i not ==;

- - -

ooh HOWEVER. i am here to say that i am extremely happy for cc who got 95% TOP IN CLASS for maths trials !! ^^^^^^^ lol u beat T class !! haha congrats (: and congrats to ina for 95% (:

science was alright. 94%. (: yay ! jess got top mark ! so proud of her. =]=]

oooh and geo lol XD 40/50 haha thts prty good XD considering i bs`d most of it and we didnt learn anything. thankyou again to jess for lending me her book. wudn`t have achieved 40 without it lol XD

2mro shud be getting english

hopefully its better than how maths turned out.

- - -

lol can`t believe i`m doing this

but giving dale hardcore sc prep ? tuition ? =/ gna need to cram everything into 2 weeks ==; hopefully i can actually teach all tht stuff to him XD and that i don`t disappoint lol ><" mm. its good cz i`ll be revising too (: but omg all my lunch times are gone XD

mm...

sorry dad.

you work so hard yet i can`t even get top for you.

trials

omg. it`s all over. (:

&& i`m dead tired. T^T

day ONE

had the worst start to the day. slept at 11; it was crazy. i couldn`t get to sleep. then when i finally did, i woke up at like 1 =O= cudn`t get back to sleep for like another 3 hrs. i was so worried that i woke up at 6:30 to look over my notes.

• english // omg english is the most scary one of all. you can`t STUDY for english. so yeh. but it was alright.. i should have done alright. the long responses were crap ==; especially the government official one. ><" for the 20 marker (i think it was 20 marks) we had to do a childhood memory that helped us to "grow up". so i did the death of my mother (this is not real btw XD). it wasn`t really a story so =/ but it should be fine. shoved so mny words in it to make it sound pro-er x) i`m so pissed ! i didn`t know we could write more than the given lines !! so it was so short ==; i had so much time left over, i wanted to write more and develop the atmosphere ==; frkn hell~ oh well.... can`t change it anymore. gah.
• science // omg it was harder than i expected. first page was so scary, it was the worst XD i was like "omg if the whole test is this hard i`m effing screwed". i kinda went in a panic mode ><" the chem questions were so hard.. i suck at chem ==; i should have studied it more. ><""""""""" oh well~ the rest of the test was alright.. i`m worried about the evolution question. because it said to provide examples for natural selection not frkn evolution ==; so i gave the wrong examples.. ==;;

day TWO

today ! it was better. cz i had more sleep. but for some reason i was more dead today. maybe the sleep deprivation accumulated or something ==; i`m so tired right now

• maths // omg i thought it was history and geo first so i wasn`t in the mood. the whole test i wasnt paying attention T___________T""""" and when i went back to check i found so many careless mistakes. and i didn`t even check the whole test ! so i`m screwed ==; it was so weird. wasn`t in the mood at all ><" hopefully i still did okay. maths was the one i really wanted to get best at ==; far out. and omg i got rlly pissed cz ian didn`t have a calculator and he wnted to borrow mine (cz i brought two lol). but like.. far out ==; what if my calculator ran out ? its not like he cared abt his test. he didn`t care enough to bring a calculator. if my calculator did run out i think i would have cried. lol ><" ok i`m being bitchy at the moment but far out ==;;;; i hope because i did a good deed ... the good karma will come back to me. hahaha. if i get a good mark in my test, i will forgive ian (: he owes me !! x]
• history + geo // omg i bs-ed so much in this test xD it was so funny. and i knew i should have double checked it but i had no motivation at all. like i don`t care THAT much about history and geo. well i was thinking that... but i still checked my papers *haha typical* not in much depth as my other tests though. and i shud have gone okay.. it was better than i expected. the geo was the hardest ==; lol thank god i borrowed jess`s book. <3<3<3 i love you !! owe you soooo much. (: and omg they don`t give you enough lines. my conclusions were like one line long only ==; i had to rush everything ==; i wanted to write so much more far out XD oh well ~

---

and omg its all over !

soooo tired. i want to sleep so bad. today went to towers (: yayyyy my mum was being nice to me all day ^^ we bought kfc for dinner haha~ feel like sucha pig. and bought junk food to celebrate.. even though my mum is going all healthy and we hardly have junk food anymore. ^^

and omg i saw some makeup i wanted to get and she gave me money for once XD hahahaaa ^^ sucha good day~

oh yehhh at towers i saw some formal shoes !! their PURPLE !! *matching my colour scheme* T______T" but they were $100.. but since my mum was in a good mood i should have asked ><" but i felt guilty so like a good girl i didn`t mention it XD

there was also another pair which was purple.. it was $50. i guess thats okay~ but you can buy like 3 more pairs in malaysia ==; far out should have gotten my shoes there ==;;;;;; T_T" i want shoessssssssss

ahhh

T_T""

T___________T"""

T_________________________T"""""

oh well.

yeh today was my break. sooo tired. had a pamper sessionn (: played with makeup and took ages in the shower ~ sooo nice. its so weird not studying XD i think i`m turning into a workaholic. i feel guilty when i don`t study. is that weird? XD i dno~ i need to get out more. =33=;

yehhhhhh (: thats it !

oh and one more thing;;

ADRIANA~

good luck on friday ! (: i hope you have a much much MUCH better sleep than i do; and that you PAWN all the other frkn yr12s >=) i`ll always be proud of you ~ think of me when you`re doing the test ! haha.. actually.. don`t. XD FOCUS. =]=] +oil x100293dghekjnvdsd939tw9puoqljfqkvn XD good luck !! omggg T_T" GOOD LUCK !! *again* yeh you get the pointttttt~ <3<3<3 (:

conflicted.

my mindset is divided into two sides; both equally opposing each other like a war that cannot be resolved. both seemingly stronger than the most powerful force i`ve encountered, both temptingly drawing me into their sweet lure. one promises peace of mind and preparation, but requires a hard servile iron willpower. the other advocates freedom and the carefree nature of those who do not care, but with a price - is it shame? humility? disappointment? the emotions are unrelenting, but i must prevail. i`ve come this far and i can`t give up now. the war was bitter but i can almost taste the sweetness that will overwhelm me when it is all over. it is time to push forward like a surging wave breaking on the steel walls of the inpenetrable cliff. it is time to embrace the power of opportunity, embrace success and reap the rewards. it is time.

---

LOL. that is me trying to practice my english ? its not edited and is not based on any stimulus but you can sooo tell tht there are traces of my history and geography notes in there.

1. Constant references to war - Vietnam War, Korean War

2. Surging waves are just one of the categories that fall in breaking waves. they usually occur over steep cliff faces

3. English techniques:

• the "narrator"'s mindset is metaphorically compared to two sides of a war, adversaries in a conflict that "cannot be resolved" (i wonder why? lol)
• the simile "like a war that cannot be resolved" further strengthens the image of conflict in the viewers mind
• the narrator is portrayed as an undecisive neutral 3rd party, who is required to choose a side, but has trouble choosing a path. One is the easy way out, the other is the long hard road but is the moral right choice. [similar to capitalists vs communists in the cold war between russia and usa]
• emotive language like "iron", "unrelenting", and "steel" provokes an image of an indestructible force that is "unrelenting" and effectively depicts a dull, grim time of desolation and misery. they help the audience empathise with the composer, and relate to the text. these words were utilised in a way that is complementary and harmonious when together and ultimately drives a lasting impression of the emotions evokes by the text.
• repetition of "its time" builds up to a suspenseful climax, drawing in the attention of the reader.
• the article ceases on a positive note, with the repeated truncated sentence "its time" finalising the emotion of determination, perseverence and hope that is prevalent in the concluding sentences.

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there lol. i wrote a blog about what i`m feeling AND did practice for school cert at the same time XD ahhaha so i can`t feel guilty about this (:

mm hope it was good ==; dno how else to practice for english. so bloody scared of it ==;;;;;;;;

and later i`m going to rouse hill ! shopping >=) haha.

i`m so scared T______________________T"